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Tuesday, April 09, 2002
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MMm its raining tonight. I had almost forgotten what rain smelled like: so subtle and vividly alive. There's something about the air which calls to my insides and makes me want to wander out until I'm soaked to the skin, and home is no longer where I left it.
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Well I wrote something lovely and webbish and long this afternoon.. and managed to let blogger delete it before I hit the post button. Finally though Fate's twistedness was a good thing... as while I wasn't blogging Ben called and shared a thought with me. It wasn't monumental, or even very important on life's scale of revelations, but it broke down the grey wall that had my consiousness trapped with only paranoia for company, and rendered my previous [long, taxing, depressed etc.] rant totally irrelevant. It was nice. *bright smiles* It seems like I've been fumbling for nirvana over this particular situation for ages... searching for some way to understand what the fuck happened so that I could learn and move on - be at peace again. And it just wasn't happening. Not even in dreams. Its so good to finally "get it".
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Hrm.. whats left? Not much, just some insights into my todaybrain that got deleted earlier:
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There was something along the lines of "Before this, even in my darkest times my ability to reason and react logically always kept me ticking. Like clockwork."
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Also there was a reference to a Steve Johnson song... and as soon as a find a bloody link to his work that functions I will post it - or the song in question.
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poignant quote of the day:
"the true sign of an injured soul is that he always leaves a back door."
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