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Friday, June 21, 2002
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I need to keep this.
"Recap. I finally slept.. And when I slept the dream king made love to me. He tasted like strawberries, wine, and the most delicious, perfect kiss you ever had. The light from the sky was blinding in my eyes and illuminated his skin to a luminous white, while the impossible emerald green grass tickled my back. Every time his mouth touched mine it was like drowning in liquid passion, and as his hands moved over me it was like I had never felt anything else before. When I came the world spun, dissolving notions of up or down, and I screamed and screamed. I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing; it was Ben calling me before he went to work. The dream king's been in my head all day, and lying on my bed listening to Ben's voice on the other end of the line, with the visions still lingering in my head, made me want nothing more than for him to be there with me. I'm aching for him to kiss me. Really kiss me. I'm dying for someone to pull me down with them, obliterate my mind, and possess me with all the intensity of every star in the sky exploding within my head. I've been shaking inside with the desire, the pure need to be touched in rapture. ..Ben's recently defined presence in my life has designated him as being the one the Spark focuses on, but there hasn't been anything. I'm as cautious as he is to move too far too quickly, but while my head is warning me against, all my nerves are screaming out for release. And I want it. Like a caged animal, it's prowling back and forth inside the confines of my flesh. Restless. It's pushed me back a step towards thoughts of Lloyd, who I know would satiate that part of me temporarily, but his is a road I will no longer follow. So I'm caught here, consumed by fire, and unable to be realized in any way. "
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