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Monday, July 15, 2002
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Oh and...
Knight: Jon sent me a letter reproclaiming his loyalty. Its beautiful, and extremely eloquent for Jon. In fact it may be one of the loveliest peices of writing that he's ever sent me. The only problem is that I don't know how to respond to it. I love him. I love him dearly. I will always love him. I'm just not in love with him. What do you say to something like that?
Toys: I'm thinking about Dan. a lot. Damn that boy for feeding me. and having visions of seducing Zach's girlfriend when she gets back into town so as to have le grand menage en trois with them at fest. Somehow I don' t think that would work to my long-term advantage though... I mean how shitty would you feel dumping your girlfriend for the other woman she let you sleep with? I also feel like I am mysterious and lovely in his eyes... that's what they said whenever words failed us. I think I would like to keep it that way - those soft gazes went a long way toward helping me feel wonderful about myself. Seducing his girlfriend would probably muck them all up.
Twin: Ben certainly knows how to bribe his way back into my good graces. I had been feeling a bit grumpy at his ambivalence about seeing me and which was then augmented by the knowledge that he is having sex. for fun. with someone other than me. grrr says the ferric. Anyway - he picked me up on his new motorcycle last night and brought me over for my first dinner at the farm. It was wonderful. we walked out to the pond and then ate yummy venison that he shot last fall, freshly cut salad, and the first tomato of the year. I was honored, eventhough I know it wasn't for my exclusive benefit, and had a wonderful time, eventhough I felt like i was making an ass out of myself everytime I opened my mouth in front of his family. Then, just when I thought things were over and that he was going to take me home - he convinced his mother to make shortcake and took me strawberry picking instead - for the most delicious strawberries that i have ever eaten. It was wonderful and I had a lovely time. throughout the whole night though I was tinged with a bit of sadness. I love his family so very much.. they feel just right... I want to BE a member of his family, i feel like i am a memeber of his family - and spending that magical night with them, coupled with the knowledge of teri made me realize that I never will be. not in this reality. I feel like a bastard child: of his blood but never a member of his house. *sighs* how fucked up is that?
Temper: on any given day an average of 6 people visit this website. i want more and that pisses me off. I mean I should be GREATFUL. really really greatful that people come back to read my stuff. my silly ramblings about my incredibly nonsense life. The counter is already over 500 unique visits. I had NightoftheDayoftheDawnofthe...etc. part III up for how many years and I don't think it ever topped 5 C's. ferric.blogspot has been up since what? April? Greedygreedysillybrain.
Time: didn't update last night. I was too funnyheaded to bother when I got home: sad and yet full up with the energy that being around ben always brings me - so i painted instead. more work has been done on hope II - neck finished along with part of an arm and more of the background. Its feels a bit strange to be working on her again, but right in a throughly sadistic sense. I also made pretty chainmail: mastered the half-persian and am now almost done with one headdress and have the band finished for another - if it doesn't end up turning into a necklace that is.
Tummy: red meat is good.
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