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Thursday, August 01, 2002
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*gasp* birdy hasn't blogged today. At all. I'm deeply disturbed in some fundamental, utterly nonsensical way. I mean.. she's quite entitled to take a day off. I do .. all the bloody time. why should I get so upset, so worried about her? I think.. I've just come to count on her so very much. and I hadn't realized it. Not like this i hadn't. This was utter panic.. like someone stole my babyblanket? favorite warm snuggly thing that I depend on .. something like that. She's alright.. I just talked to her. She spent the night out with her Ben which is wonderful as far as I m concerned. She needs to take some time away from everything and relax.. and ben seems to be able to do that for her. Thank God someone can. It makes me feel a little bit better about not being able to be there... to hold her as she falls asleep at night. What I wouldn't give to be the pillow beneath her head.. even if just for one moment to touch her face and bring her some measure of peace and comfort. Soon I say to myself. Soon... but how many years has it been now? how many days and nights have slipped past? its time.
In other news:
And they just keep getting bigger... There are a plethora of absolutely amazing spiders hanging about outside Walter this evening. I wish that I had a camera to take pictures of them. They are... quite possibly the best spiders I have ever seen in North America. I'd say ever but nothing quite prepares you for seeing a Huntsman up close.. and I have. In Australia. Several times. They're... astonishing. The brain just doesn't quite want to accept the apparent fact that they exist. Its just tooo... odd seeing something the size of a dinnerplate just hanging about on the wall outside your house, as if it was just a normal mosquito sized thing and into eating little flying bugs instead of emmense cockroaches and middling sized birds. hell those things could probably eat a cat without batting a spidery eyelash. Anyway - back to the ones outside here. They're really neat! about the size of a quarter - which is a fairly normal spider size. but they look like spiders. Just devastatingly spidery with big fat juicy bodies and thick menacing legs that are all needle like at the ends. The seem to have a lovely cream coloring everywhere except for a dark brown-grey mark on the bottom of thier bellies, and a few little while accents to set it off. Quite impressive.. I actually thought about trying to trap one in a gatorade container and take it back to Kara as a present but then two things occured to me. 1. she loves spiders and could be rather less than greatful that I've taken one and probably straved it to death on her account. and 2. They could very well be brown recluses... they look horribly poisonous. its just something about thier shape. Not that looks necessarily Mean truth.. but yeah. Scary.
Always a Flame... I've decided. Fuck pride I'm going after Fox. I tried to move on, and be a coward and dignified and all that. ... and it didn't work. I'm still upset. So I've decided its time to try something else. Actually getting the boy. The only trouble is .. i'm not sure how i'm going to go about doing that. I have visions of doing flamboyant things. Making a fool out of myself for him.. wearing tshirts with "Girly loves Sionnach" emblazoned across the front in bright vulpesvulpesvulpes red. But I dunno if that'd work. ahh.. to arms lasses. To arms...
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