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Monday, August 26, 2002
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sleepy-tired. grey. bored. It seems that nothing can amuse me for very long anymore. Spent last Thursday and Friday nights in laketown with Stone. Thursday was alright.. the afternoon totally blew goats (after an hour of waiting to see the officer-in-charge I found out that No, the U's admissions department wasn't going to come through and correct thier mistake, instead I have to wait until spring term to enroll). Got out in a black funk, dreading informing the parental units, and couldn't find the car for a good jten minutes. Smoked a cigarette and went back downtown to buy red hairdye. The traffic was horrendous and I was inches away from tears when I saw Jaesin outsise the Norshor chaning the marquee. Decided that what I really needed in life was a cocktail of his making and ended up driving aroud downtown for the next 5 minutes looking for a parkeing space. Finally found one - turned the car off and was preparing to get out when I noticed that I had forgotten to roll up my window.. so I looked at my hand for the keys and - they weren't there. So I checked my pockets.. and they weren't there. So I checked to floor (those of ou who have been in my parents van know what an ordeal that is)..and they werent there. Spent the next 10 minutes flailing aorund the front seat, frantically digging under things and through my purse etcetc. trying not to just break down and have a good cry until finally I found them in my back pants pocket. Mind you - I swear that I have NEVER had a back pants pocket before in that suit. I distinctly remember it being sewn shut when I bought the thing in paris... (i was dissapointed) but evidently something somewhere decided that it would be amusing to create one and put my keys in it. *laughs and shakes head* Anyway - braved blisters to wander down toward the shore, only to discover halfway there that i had forgotten all monetary units in my black trench at the house. Fuck. No booze for me. When I got down the hill Jaesin was still outside, just finishing with the marquee, so we smoked a cigarette together and he was kind enough to let me vent at him. I got about halfway through the story when he said something along the linds of "Fuck - I'll buy you a drink!" so we brought the ladder and the marquee letters inside and he proceeded to get me absolutely trashed. Good fun. Especially since Stone's recent ex B showed up about halfway through and I completely and totally didn't care. *evil little giggles* I was much amused by the fact that her friends preferred to hang out and be nice to me rather than taling to her. annway. Had fun, bought infrared once i sobered up enough to walk down the street in my heels, and spent the next few hours socailzing and making friends with Sawako - the cute little japanese girl that Stone is having sex with. yay. Its kindof fun being friends with her because 1. shes kinky as all get out and its soooo cute. and 2. She dislikes B just about as much as I do. drunk bitch. Oh, and I got to kiss Fox twice, and Josh once on the cheeck while I was in my drunken manic state. It was fun.
Friday on the other hand was a nightmare. Stone and I went to the Norshor around 7 as he was supposed to bounce for the Fubuki Diako show. When we arrived it turned out that he didn't have to work the door and so we helped set up and ran lights and such. Well I ran lights and he got asked to announce them. Its alright, if there is one constant overarching passion in Stone's life it is music, and he was near orgasmic over both thier amazing rythms, and recieveing the honor of speaking for them. The show itself was absolutely amazing... but no sooner did it end than he proceed to get drunker and drunker and more intoxicated and drunker... He and B ended up getting in this horrendous fight, and when I left because I didn't want to deal with the tension anymore it actually ended up turning violent and getting him kicked out. Joy. I was and am embarrassed to have anything to do with it. *sighs* You know just once I thought that perhaps I had found someone I could be proud to be with in public.. but no. THen I got to carry him home and here the story told over and over and over again. Yet it was only when Fox arrived that I found out he was also high on cocaine. GRAND. No wonder he thought he was invincible. I wont deal with this anymore. It used to not bother me.. it used to not phaze me at all, but now it does. And I refuse to try and change him. I always want to save the world but this time, if he wants me he will have to be good enough all on his own. I will inspire but I will never cahjole. I will never beg again. Maybe its a blessing that this extreme has come so soon. I could have gone on for many more months facing just a little degredation every day. It could have all added up.. until I was so weighed down i couldn't breath anymore. Covered in filth. I could have lost my will to run.
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