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Thursday, September 12, 2002
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and the insanity begins. goddamnit I feel horrible this afternoon. Fucking moon. I'm all mixed up inside. sad and angry and paranoid - all for no good reason. taut and ready to snap at the slightest pull. came home from school this avo fairly alright. Not by any means perfect but I was dealing - and then I made the mistake of talking to a newly unresponsive someone. I thought the conversation (and how happy I anticiapted i was going to be over it) was going to be the teeny little lift I needed to right my boat and sail smoothly again. Instead my sanity went smash against the rocks I usually stand on, and now i'm a bit lost, not knowing what peices to pick up first. Or how to put them together to make it work again. bah. in a last ditch effort I brought out my chainmail and put on Shakespeare in Love - because that will usually cheer me out of anything (and once I'm cheerful I know I'll be fine) but its just not working. I'm still sad and angry and paranoid, all for no good reason. The worst bit is that more than anything else in the world right now I just want to get laid. My body is craving it like a cigarette when I've gone too long without. The follicles of my hair to the tips of my toes. My belly is warm and aching to be filled - and no matter what I do, I can't seem to stop being aware of it. (see, today I am mad) So much for my usual tactic of just locking myself in my room and reading a book until I feel better. Today I'd tear down the walls. Nothing but time is going to fix this. hopefully i won't kill anyone on the way.
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