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Wednesday, September 04, 2002
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Why isn't it winter today? Where are the ice and grey snowy skies to match this feeling? I've hurt the one that i loved the best and there is nothing to match the cold remorse within my breast. I'm shaking (it seems I'm always shaking for him). It was an accident. It wasn't on purpose. and yet I feel as if something has died. As if I've inadvertantly killed my best friend. I want to scream. and yet it doesn't matter anymore. It can't matter any more. He can't matter anymore. We finished. We were done. He left me. He's never wanted me. (i keep telling myself this and it keeps not mattering one jot. What do I do now?) Why do I feel as if i've smashed our precious dreams? (what dreams? WE never had any dreams.) I'm back in the coffin again. that something's inside me swelling my heart so full and aching that I cannot seem to breathe. thoughtlessness. my god what have I done ?
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lingering...
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"It's amazing to me I can't
Seem to say what I'm doing here
My tongue is all twisted around the air
I'm looking for words that were so well rehearsed
But I can't find them anywhere
With you there's no easy answer
It's true
You change the equation that I add up to
And all of the things that I thought I knew
You turn it around
I'm amazed
When push comes to shove what I'd give to you
Everything
I'm amazed
The hallways I wouldn't mind crawling through
And I'd do it for days and days
I'm amazed, I'm amazed
That places your taking me to
Wait, I thought I had this down
I built all my cages and my hide out
And I covered all my bases
I locked the door, I shut all my windows
But you
You creep in like a whisper
I try not to listen, yeah, but I hear you
I'm not really sure just what it is you do
But do it again
I'm amazed
When push comes to shove what I'd give to you
Everything...
The voice of my father still loud as before
It used to scare me but not anymore
It's a maze
Father :
What is it Annie ?
Daughter:
I miss you."
- Amazed - Poe
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