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Friday, October 11, 2002
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Its been five days now and I'm still having nightmares every time i close my eyes. I don't know why, and I don't know perzactly what about. But this time, this last time I finally broke into tears. and Fox was there. and he kissed them away and smiled at me so happily that despite everything I couldn't be sad anymore, and despite all of my morals, I threw my cares away and let him kiss me until i glowed inside just the same. The world clattered on around us but i couldn't hear a thing beyond his heart, and we fell to sleep in a pool of light and softness.
and then I woke up.
And beyond the overwhelming urge to watch Sabrina, (which i gave in to for the record) nothing had changed. I don't get it. Lately I am stripped of any and all passion. And, beyond the everpresent urge to get the fuck out of here that is rearing its ugly head again - i'm desireless as well. Its.. I don't know. Its as if everything has worked itself out, and I've come through to the other side... and now I'm motivationless. This fucking blows.
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