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Wednesday, October 02, 2002
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Maybe its just storms on the sun, but tonight I feel diluted. As if everything that has passed between the time I was mourning for you and now has been just so much cold medicine to treat the syptoms, but not really a cure at all. Tonight I remember the last time I cried for you in Ben's arms and couldn't let him touch me because it wouldn't have done any good. There beside the river we let our heartaches fly up among the stars where the nothern lights danced like so many spirits turned loose to fret their way across the night sky - a proclamation of agony and perhaps the possiblity of change (?). Even in misery loving you was always gorgeous. Tonight too, I remeber the good times: the sound of your voice making me quake like a birch leaf in the darkness. When every word mattered, and so many meanings wove between them like shimmery spider's lace, that they thrummed with our heartbeats. Mornings traced thier fingers in slow reverence along the strands in a music which set my head awhir with life. (("I think that you are so hard to forget because you showed me what I do want.")) Tonight its all vivid again, and I am tired of this morphine haze. I'm tired of stagnating for a placebo that makes me feel alright but fixes nothing.
I don't know what;s happened to you, because of me - since you began reading this (and i find this surprising Why?) but I'm done being distracted. You mean the world to me Sionnach, and I'm not about to roll over and let you slip away now that I've finally come this close.
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