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Tuesday, October 08, 2002
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someone: [offline] back
someone: [offline] what do you mean?
me: I mean that I told him that he can continue to see other women so long as he tells me about it - and definitely BEFORE the next time we have any sort of sexual contact.
me: Not for any purient interest on my part but because I want to have the option of saying no until he shows me that he is/they are clean.
And because if I know about it I am fine. If he sneaks around behind my back then I turn into this massively paranoid, miserably unhappy bitch.
me: That must sound strange but *shrugs* Its just how I seem to operate. This whole sharing thing is very new to me but so far its been going alright. I like S, and have no problems with stone sleeping with her - both because I like her and because I am relatively sure that she's not having sex with anyone besides stone (and possibly her husband). B on the other hand I don't like and I don't trust not to fuck around (i mean would you listening to all the stories that come out of people about her throwing herself at them?) so that's a whole hell of a lot more touchy.
me: Also - something I don't like to admit to myself but, I'm marignally insecure on some levels. - S isn't trying to get stone to not see me anymore.. on any sort of a practical level. And if she did he'd probably just laugh and tell her no. B on the other hand would like nothing better than for us to never have even started seeing each other. Hence I'm much more touchy about him seeing her.
Not to mention that she tends to make him miserable and violently angry whenever they are in contact with one another.
me: Anyway. That's my rant .. or was it my reason? I'm not sure anymore.
me: Basically he sees someone else besides S (who I already know about) I want to know. pronto. He doesn't tell me - we have major issues. Like me freaking out and saying, "that's it. This is the end".
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