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Wednesday, November 20, 2002
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Talked to S tonight and finally read his words about her [the bastard]. I could cry.. I could scream, i could pummel his face into a cement sidewalk for not realizing how beautiful she is. He doesn't deserve her. he never deserved her. I wonder what cruel intentions and twisted rusty nails Fate must have been playing with when she brought them together. *sighs* I see his kind over and over again.. mostly in the eyes of people who profess to be attracted to me. The ones who are in it for the novelty.. for the thrill of being with someone "different", who want to possess a rare and beautiful bird because it makes them feel good to be so totally [and then once they've rarefied the bird's diet to include only them - throw the bird away - starve it, deprive it of food and the air it needs to breathe] tragically loved. If i had talons I would rip them through that kind's smirking face. Bastard. *sighs* Maybe I'm not seeing things straight. Maybe there was more behind his persuit than that fallacy. Its late and I don't know anymore. But i do know that after this love i'm in right now - i never want to be with a "normal" boy again. I know better now, goddamnit.
eh. venting. I cried when she told me about the snow, and something froze when heard his tone.. and now I'm a big mess. I went to the window and smoked bunny's cigarettes. I was cold. I listened to Stigmata because it was the only song that seemed to fit.. . and now I'm venting and finally feel a bit better. I almost feel bad for posting it here.. lately it seems as if this blog is either boringmundane or full of bad feelings - but then I realized that no one reads it anyway so *shrugs* no big thing.
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