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Wednesday, December 04, 2002
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Oh, and I want to be able to afford babies. Bunny is all about wanting them. Now. Come what may.. and I am all about wanting his babies. Our relationship is such a strange juxtaposion of different factors. In reality we've been together for 4 months. That's not a very long time at all. And yet it feels like we've been together forever. We think in terms of children and houses, travel and what we want to do together when we are old and wrinkled - and yet he balks (a little? sometimes? its so hard to tell how much) at the thought of marriage. We spend all our free time together, he is sad when I leave to spent time in treetown, and yet he doesn't want a place together yet. I don't know that I want a place together yet - but shouldn't wanting (and being content with) that come before wanting/having children? I dont want to dive into all of these obligations because we have to (i.e. I get pregnant, we want to keep it so what now?) and yet I'm so comfortable with all of these fluffy thoughts. I love his family, and the thought of his mother being the grandmother to my children. I purr seeing Tessa in his arms, and it hurts me every time we make love and I have to be the practical one and say 'no' to trying to create a life.
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