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Thursday, February 06, 2003
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Ok.. so there has been lots to blog about recently and I haven't been blogging. I'm sorry. More or my sake than anyone else's though. I miss this. Its my time to sort out my head and explore who I am.. and when I don't do it things start to ache. Nevertheless necessity dictates that this is going to be a short one. (curses!)
- been feeling kindof uglyish recently. not on the inside, but just kindof run down cosmetically. One of the things on my internal to-do list is to make - get this - a to-do list of things that I can do for myself to help me feel better about myself. I think I will post it here and keep track of my progress.
- Had an.. an .. I don't know what to call it; occurance? episode? involving D, cake, myself, and Bunny - in the kitchen Tuesday night. In short: I bake Bunny a cake, I try to eat a piece, i drop some crumbs on the floor then pick them up, Bun doesn't yell at me, or call me clumsy, or messy, or in any way denigrate me. I start crying from relief? remembered pain? gratitude? I don't know but it hurt and it sucked and it made me very angry at D all over again. I So thought those wounds were healed *grumbles under her breath about mentally abusive bastard ex boyfriends and her own stupidity for letting him hurt her that badly*. I want to take time and analyze my reaction, as it was so strong and so disturbing But.....
- tomorrow I have my first CS exam. Blast. i'm not nervous, but I know that I should be.
- miss Adam. Want to talk to Adam. Have decided that "Good For You" absolutely kicks ass. It made my guts writhe the first time I heard it. Once again Mr. Newman has proved himself master of the art of evoking strong emotional, empathetic responses from his listeners.
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