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Tuesday, February 11, 2003
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So, he hurt me this morning. He treated me poorly and this time (for the record) i didn't take it. Why do apologies always have to be beaten out of men? Even when they know that they have done wrong? Even when they don't want to turn you into a cowering dog. I do not understand. Its insulting. It hurts me more, and makes the apology dull and without comfort.
I wonder sometimes, if this perfect boy, if being with this perfect beautiful boy is enough. He hurts me, he hurts me all the time.. and I don't spite him for it when it is for things that I shouldn't be upset about - but, can I be content to be with someone who simply doesn't care? (i feel as if it dishonours me?) I don't know. Its been a strange exhausting day. I just couldn't seem to I don't know... be happy? I mean I'm not angry anymore, but I'm not in the least affected by his cute ploys to get me to smile, (his efforts to suck up), his caresses... etc. I'm cold..no, not even that; I'm numb. And now I'm going to sleep. This is an odd odd night indeed.
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