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Sunday, February 08, 2004
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The art of being human. (or: Why does so little of the world seem proficient in this?)
I'm going to pontificate tonight. I had a very long visit from one Kevintech earlier this evening. He is such a strange kitten. Since he moved back into town, our relationship has moved from a simple carousing parternership into strange and deep waters. The closer we become the more it feels as if we are becoming mentor and pupil, master and apprentice... where strangely enough I am the guide and he is the one grasping for light in a dark and turgid world. I say "strangely enough" because Kt is so together in many respects. He is older, more versed in certain ways of the world, intelligent, hard working, and sucessful, it seems - in all but love and understanding himself. Why should I then be the one with so much of an upper hand in these discussions? I feel like William of Baskerville tutoring young Enzo. And so, after five hours of attempted guidance, I sit in the dark with my Motzart and my keyboard feeling far too much like a wise woman- and trying to figure things out.
One of my greatest ambitions is to pass on something beautiful to the world. Something that will in itself inspire beauty in those who percieve it. A concise thing that has the magic to create change inside a human soul. It seems like so very many people need [i don't know how to encompass this in words]. A path into themselves, something that will open thier eyes to the contents of thier own hearts, and help them become closer to that which they desire the most. So many of us greive, and crawl blindly in the dark thinking that we are helpless, incapable of change. As Jane Sibbery sings, "I see you lookin' around/ at the people on the street/ well, things aren't what they seem/ if you push them hard enough/ you'll find that most of them/ do not feel worthy of love/ now how did this come to be?" When really, we are surrounded by so much light. All we have to do is open up our eyes.
Times like tonight make this reality sink into my skin. Seeing someone I hold in such high regard floundering in the tide of human events turns my aethereal aspirations into a hunger that I cannot seem to sate, and do not want to quench. So- since I'm still feeling rather sage but my muse seems to have taken a vacation, I'm going to [attempt to] say a few things in plain text, and hope the sheer pompousness of it doesn't pollute your pallate so much that you don't at least think about them a little...
You are simple. Everyone is simple. But understanding [that] can be hard work.
Get to know yourself. I cannot seem to say this enough times, and every time that I do people look at me as if i've just spouted the most inane cliche ever and can't possibly be serious. Well, it may be a cliche but it is still incredibly valid. And I am indeed quite serious. Get to know yourself. Take time away from whatever outside thing it is that has been occupying your brain around the clock and sort out what the hell you think about it. What do you admire? What do you abhor? Why? Are you happy? sad? depressed? elated? - Why! Has someone done something that upset you? Then ask yourself, why did thier action upset you, and what can you do to feel better about it. Break it down to the most fundamental level that you possibly can, and then formulate a logical solution based on what you have concluded.
These are my feelings
There are many like them, but
These ones are mine.
Accept responsibility for your own feelings [well those and everything else]. I'm getting into controversial waters here. From a psycology standpoint there are three popular takes on how the human brain inputs information and reacts to it. The first is that, when a stimulus occurs the brain
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